Change

I don't want to change.
I want to feel better.
That's my issue,
my shackles and fetters.

I'm married to suffering
by ball and chain
'cause I want to feel better
yet remain the same.

It's too hard for me
to change myself.
There was a mistake
when the cards were dealt.
So please give me
a better hand.
And let me stay
the way I am.

Sure, I'm lazy,
but that's okay.
It's temporary
anyway.
So just let me
go back to sleep.
The spirit is willing;
my flesh is weak.

Once you know,
you can't un-know.
So don't tell me anymore!
Ignorance is bliss, you see,
so let the sleeping snore.

It's too late for me,
I know too much!
The original way
got so corrupt!
A diamond thrown
into the muck.
Treasures traded
for worthless stuff.

Once we know,
we can't un-know.
Sometimes, I wish I could.
So I could go around believing,
"Hey, I'm pretty good."
Sure, it's not true.
But feels much better.
That's my issue,
my shackles and fetters.

I'm married to suffering
by ball and chain
'cause I want to feel better
yet remain the same.

It's true that I don't
rob and steal
but doesn't mean bodhi
has been revealed.
So how can I think
me pretty good
when I've yet to do
what Jesus would?

By saintly standards,
I am a thief.
I rob and steal
and cause much grief.
'Cause what I see,
I want to own.
It leads me further
from our home.

I know some things.
I know too much!
And most of it
is worthless stuff.
Since I still can't right
what fell corrupt;
I'm sinking deeper
into the muck!

If this learning cannot
save the drowning,
then what's that learning for?
Too deeply I've been
slumbering,
don't let the sleeping snore!

So nudge and budge.
Oh God above.
Let ring the Golden Bell.
The longer I've been slumbering
I'm slipping into hell.

So poke and prod;
Don't let me nod.
Let ring the Golden Bell.
The longer we've been slumbering
it's not going very well.

Devils with horns
and pitchforks?
That is hardly a disguise!
The demons I'm most
acquainted
are my thieving set of eyes.

Look at that.
Looks soft enough.
So I reach a thieving
hand to touch.
I covet and steal,
and want to own.
I take a giant
leap from home.

But everything
I hold today
too soon it will be
stripped away.
I know what you're
about to say:

It's temporary anyway.

This, I know.
But tell these eyes.
These thieves
they cannot realize
that what's here today
is gone tomorrow:
We cannot own;
at most, we borrow.

Accumulating.
Wanting more.
Tell me what that stuff is for?
If it sinks us deeper
into the dream,
and leads us further
from the mean.

I covet. I steal.
I plot to own.
That's how I got
so far from home.

If these roots of sensation
cannot be pure,
how can they lead us
to the cure?
I go by feeling.
I go by sight.
They lead me further
into the night.

I want to feel better,
my ball and chain.
Adjust my feelings
yet remain the same.
Up and down
an endless game.
I'm tired of playing:

I have to change.

Worthless things

Why do I wish you
worthless things?
Like counterfeit coins
and charcoal rings.
A life of comfort,
pleasure, ease.
Opposite
of what we need.

The world is drowning,
I use the hand.
And build up castles
out of sand.
Before the tide
they cannot stand.
What a blind,
nearsighted plan!

I give you candy
instead of food.
To temporarily
uplift your mood.
To make us spoiled,
lazy, fat.
Why do they applaud me
for doing that?

The Chef serves veggies,
fruits, and grains.
How we kick
and scream, complain.

The Lords of Justice
raise their spears.
How we shudder and quake
with fear.

We flee from discipline,
wanting ease.
Opposite
of what we need.
Three times repent
announcer sings.
Why do I wish you
worthless things?

Really, I must be
so confused.
To give you candy
instead of food.
To temporarily
uplift your mood.
Meanwhile starving
for the truth.

I'm so deficient.
I'm ill-equipped.
It's daunting
and I want to quit.
I'm just about
to throw a fit.
And then I get
a sense of this:

Inside the heart,
a tiny the seed
unfolds into
a bodhi tree.
Not one that naked
eyes can see.
The One Heart steady
constantly.

Why not wish you
priceless things?
Like heat.
Like pressure.
Like diamond rings.
Duress and stress
and bitter dreams.
To wake us faster
to the mean.

Far afield

I try to have my worldly
and saintly too.
Instead of one master,
I'm serving two.

I love the one,
and hate the other.
Those far afield,
they call me "brother."

How did I come
to be their kin?
I'm too shameful to
stand next to them.

They have such virtue
and where is mine?
They're far afield,
I'm far behind!

One heart?
Hardly.
I've two at best.
And the third one's
bound with much duress.

And if it escapes,
the forest burns.
I fail applying
what I have learned.

Lost and wand'ring
somewhere outside.
All but blinded
by my pride.

Washed up on the
shore of saints.
One among them?
This, I ain't.

Mentally,
I know what to do:
Discount the false,
embrace the True.
Three times repentance
bows to you.
I strive for worldly
and saintly two.

Out there

I should be out there,
suffering for naught:
Compounding all the
causes wrought.

I should be out there,
suffering for free:
No wages to feed
my family.

I should be out there,
all alone.
No place to be
and call my home.

Ever hungry
and wanting more.
I should be out there,
outside the door.

So grateful to be
here inside.
I should be out there,
and left to die.

The door was shut
by lock and key,
and then matured
affinity.

The Heart Prevails

We agreed the time,
and I was late.
I guess I don't
appreciate.

'Cause if I did,
would I'd be there?
But I was late.
And do I care?

What's wrong with me?
Should I be vexed?
And worried about
what's coming next?

Or did I finally
glimpse and see
that it's not really
up to me.

Buddhas make effort.
Humans set time.
I'm not clear which
heart is mine.

Sometimes one way.
Sometimes that.
Muddy, I wonder
where I'm at.

Spin me. Spin me.
Round and round.
Who dares stand
and be knocked down?

We agreed the time;
this human failed.
The vexation is silent
when the heart prevails.