Hark! (A Carol)

Hark!  The Herald Angels sing:
Glory to the newborn King!
Strife on Earth, Black Friday sales--
Certain this year I'll prevail.
Shoppers, brawlers, gangstas--rise!
Join the melee for the prize!
Trample grandmas to proclaim:
Christ is born in Bethlehem!
Hark! Triumphant shoppers sing:

Glory to our purchased things!

Cash, our favored, most adored.
Wealth, our fluctuating lord.
Bring us greenbacks by the ton.
Santa rally won't you come!
Hustling hard to make more green.
Pray for rising equities.
Low we buy and high we sell.
Profit, our emmanuel.

Hark!  The bullish market sings:
Glory to our newfound bling!

Hail the red clad, jolly Nick.
Bring us everything we wish!
Granting wishes, he's our man!
If he don't, find one who can.
Celebrate while others cry.
Too bad Santa passed them by!
The Christ in Christmas been exed out.
Don't you cry and don't you pout!
Hark!  The reindeer Rudolph sings:
Glory to the mammon king! 

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This is actually one of my favorite Christmas carols, and I just noticed that it's metered like I poem, so I tried my hand at a parody of it. Don't worry I'm not a singer so I won't do a reading (singing) of it :-)